Earlier this year, I joined Rock Choir. My mother in law suggested it because she has so much fun at her local group. I have a big background in music, and especially in singing, with Grade 8s in both classical and pop vocal styles, but it took me a while to pluck up the courage to go. It’s an odd feeling, to be really quite good at something and therefore worried about what people will think of you. I remember telling an old boyfriend that I was a good singer and he made quite a big deal about bragging being unseemly. So I’ve always shied away from telling anyone what I can do.

Eventually, I went online, booked myself a free taster session, and went along to my local group. And I had just the best time! Singing with a group of people is something I’ve always loved to do, even though I used to be a soloist. You get a completely different buzz from that feeling of coming together to make something beautiful. The whole really is greater than the sum of its parts, and there is nothing quite like watching pensioners head-banging to Queen at a Bohemian Rhapsody workshop.

But then came the next scary bit. Rock Choir does gigs. And I really wanted to sign up for them but I didn’t feel like I was experienced enough and was worried that I wouldn’t be able to remember the songs. So I didn’t sign up. Instead I watched all the live videos on Facebook and sang along to every single song. So I missed out on local gigs, the Edinburgh Festival, and Proms in the Park, all because my own insecurity got the better of me. I could have cried. In fact, I did cry. I cried because hearing people singing together always gets to me, but mostly I cried because I felt so stupid.

This has kind of been the story of my life. I’ve started so many things and never actually finished them because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. In fact probably the only thing I’ve seen right through to the end was getting my qualification as a reflexologist, and even then I very nearly didn’t turn up to my final exam. What’s weird is that it’s not failure I’m scared of. Although I’ve definitely felt like I’m not good enough, it comes more from a fear of success. I remember always being told as a kid, when I said I wanted to be a professional classical singer, that I needed to have a proper job for when it didn’t work out. Not if, when. Success just wasn’t an option.

And that coloured my attitude to pretty much everything. I didn’t try because I knew I wouldn’t succeed. I mean, clearly there are things you shouldn’t try, like neurosurgery, unless you really work at it, and that old saying, that you should try everything once, except incest and folk dancing. But this has been stupid things, like baking, up to important things like not applying for jobs because I didn’t have absolutely every skill and minute of experience required according the job ad. It’s taken a lot to get me to try new things, and working out every day has helped, although I’ve even struggled with that.

So today, I have put my name down for my first Rock Choir gig. It’s a good start. And I know I’m not alone in this. There are plenty of people out there who really want to get going with something but are afraid to even start. There’s a saying in Beachbody. The start is often the stop. So I’d love to hear what you struggle with. Maybe we can support each other.

Click here to find your nearest Rock Choir group and book your free taster session